It’s not some kids are good, and some kids are bad. Some kids have good habits, and some kids have bad habits.
Angela Duckworth
In another article, I wrote about how we can create or break habits by taking advantage of a habit structure: the cue, the craving, the response and the reward. To recap that article, James Clear presents in his influential book Atomic Habits the following laws for habit-building processes:
- The 1st law (Cue): Make it obvious.
- The 2nd law (Craving): Make it attractive.
- The 3rd law (Response): Make it easy.
- The 4th law (Reward): Make it satisfying.
How to adapt this framework to teach good homework habits to our children?
The 1st law (Cue): Make it obvious.
The cue is the starting point of any habit. We are more likely to detect visible cues.
Designing a study environment acts as a trigger to make studying easier. Such an environment should have a decluttered study table (the kitchen table or a desk in the child’s room), easy to reach school supplies (pens, books or notebooks), proper lighting, low levels of noise and distraction (no TV, phone calls, video games).
Implementation intentions (specific actions in the form of if/then that are linking obstacles with solutions) can be more suggestive when we are explicit about time and location.
I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].
If [OBSTACLE] happens, then I will do [ALTERNATE HABIT].
Examples: I will read one page from my study book at my study table in the evening. If I get distracted by noise, I will close the door/move to another room.
Habit stacking with anchor habits (habits already established) makes it obvious when a new habit should occur:
After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].
Examples: After I change from my school clothes, I will take my homework from my backpack, put it on the study table and open my notebooks to the homework pages.
There is no need to start homework yet, as simply opening the notebooks can become a studying trigger (think of the Zeigarnik effect – we remember incomplete tasks such as opening the homework book more easily than completing tasks such as finishing homework).
The 2nd law (Craving): Make it attractive.
Habit stacking can also be used as a temptation bundling where we bundle study habits with incentives:
After [NEW HABIT], I will [HABIT I LIKE].
Examples: After I study for 20 minutes, I will check my phone.
This work especially with younger children by setting a short-timer of a few minutes and then play.
As James Clear writes in his Atomic Habits book,
We tend to imitate the habits of three social groups: the close (family and friends), the many (the tribe), and the powerful (those with status and prestige). One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where (1) your desired behaviour is the normal behaviour and (2) you already have something in common with the group.
Our children see us, their parents, as the close and the powerful. Through the powerful skill of deferred imitation (repeat and practice the actions of others, either immediately or later), we can inspire good habits in our children. Suppose they see us prioritize reading, having a decluttered study place, prioritizing our tasks and consciously delaying gratification. Chances are our children will encode our actions and recall them later.
After some time, the influence of the tribe (school colleagues and friends) will increase, and the impact of parents will decrease. If our tribe performs a habit, that habit will become quite attractive to us too. That means if children’s friends have deficient studying habits, children may imitate their friends.
Nevertheless, parents who are lucky enough to afford it can choose environments where children will meet the many. Think of the neighbourhood the family will live in, the school or the after school activities the children will attend, youth groups, etc.
Autonomy
All parents have a story about their children that would adorably start exercising autonomy:
– No, I want to do it! No, I don’t want the red jumper!
Yes, discussions with children often look like battles or intense negotiations but do we want children that never say NO to us? A perfectly trained child that rarely exercised autonomy is at high risk to become a polite victim. Thus, letting children exercise autonomy is a crucial step in their evolution.
Also, autonomy is an attractive way to teach habits. For example, giving choices make children feel empowered:
– Do you want to read a chapter from your study book on Saturday morning or Saturday afternoon?
This way, children will know they will have to read, but they choose the time of reading.
Educative mobile applications
Educative mobile applications are an engaging way to spark children’s interest in homework. Note that not all mobile applications labelled as “educative” are in fact, educational. I wrote in another article how a randomized controlled trial of families using the Khan Academy Kids mobile application showed massive improvement in children’s pre-literacy skills and a significant increase in parents’ interest in school activities.
The 3rd law (Response): Make it easy.
With children, behaviours are more likely to be repeated and transformed into habits if the behaviours’ difficulty levels are age-appropriated. This law is not about making life easy for our children. Parents shouldn’t complete their children’s homework. There would be times when parents may get involved, but parents doing children’s homework would rob children of the feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment of figuring out their homework.
This law is about splitting homework into tiny parts that children can easily accomplish. Then, we gradually raise the bar so children can progress.
Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote in his Flow book about flow as
a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.
Flow happens
when a person’s skills are fully involved in overcoming a challenge that is just about manageable.
Homework shouldn’t be necessarily a fun activity but a flow activity.
How to bring flow into homework?
By starting tiny (the 2-minute rule – when we start a new habit, it should take less than 2 minutes to do). Rather than reading a whole story, children can start with reading for two minutes. After all, a two-minute reading session is still better than a zero-minute session.
Then, we continue with tiny increments. As children build more mental endurance, confidence and start to enjoy the homework routine, we should try to raise the challenges. If they manage to read for five minutes on their own, the next step is to increase reading time to seven or eight minutes.
The 4th law (Reward): Make it satisfying.
The reward is the critical step in establishing a habit because what is rewarded is repeated. It makes sense for rewards to be initially extrinsic (treats we give ourselves or receive from others) but to create long-lasting homework habits, rewards must become intrinsic (how rewards make us feel).
For a homework routine to become habitual, we have to ensure that our children will somehow succeed the first few times. After children are successful in completing homework, we should reward them with praise or another activity they enjoy (think of temptation bundling). Over time, we should slowly shift from external rewards to internal rewards.
Praising is a contentious issue where praise should be effort-related and not identity-based (I like how you resolved this problem versus You are such a good/smart girl for resolving this problem).
Paying for school-related activities (studying, reading, etc.) is a perilous extrinsic reward.
David Owen wrote in The First National Bank of Dad: The Best Way to Teach Kids About Money what could happen when we reward children with money for completing their homework:
The last thing in the world you should do is to create the possibility that your child might decide one morning that she is going to stop listening carefully to English this semester because she no longer needs the cash.
One way for external rewards to switch to intrinsic rewards is to explain to children that doing homework is a transferable skill that children can apply to real-world scenarios. For example, deadlines are relevant not only for homework but also for adults. Topics discussed in history classes might be relevant in today’s world. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable (it is normal to dread homework sometimes, but it still has to be done) is yet another fact of life.
A parent discussed in the following way with his son when the boy was falling behind homework: “Son, we expect you to do better, to become better informed and more knowledgeable. The world needs capable people. There are still so many problems that need a solution. You could help.”
Haim Ginott – Between parent and child
In essence, homework cues have to be clear and visible. Homework has to become attractive, and there is an established homework routine. Finally, there is a reward for completing the homework.
Over time, children will need less and less of our attention as they become more and more absorbed by homework, enjoying the flow or being in “the zone”. The children’s flow state of studying is the final reward for parents. Suppose children started with good homework habits from 5-6 years old. In that case, it is highly likely that when they become preteens or teens, parents won’t be anxious about children’s homework, exams, or other school assignments.
Mountains of calm, serenity, and support are necessary from parents, but we must endure.